Very Punny

August 17, 2011

Three 6 Mafia Scampi

I hate puns. They are the lowest form of comedy (yes, even lower than knock knock jokes). Only dumb, unfunny people use puns. I am not alone in this opinion. English poet and literary critic John Dryden called puns “the lowest and most groveling kind of wit.” So if you use them, please stop. You’re embarrassing yourself.

Puns suck because they are normally way too cute and corny. People say crap like “You’re tea-rific” over a cuppa, or “I’m aging gray-cefully,” on their 40th birthday. Then they are likely to get a dumb, gleeful look on their face and say, “get it?” Yeah I git  it, you are a f*cking looser.

And don’t get me started on cheeky sex puns like the ones James Bond made famous such as, “I think she got the point,” (i.e. his weiner) and “I’m sorry, I can’t make it…(speaking into the phone and staring lasciviously at some half-dressed buxom 70’s babe)…something’s come up.” Sh*t like that makes me want to puke in a pint glass.

I believe the only way to redeem the pun is through dark humor. Keep in mind; this is not for the faint of heart. People will be offended. Take for instance the crushing silence that would follow if a detective exclaimed with a chuckle, “Of corpse!” upon finding the lifeless, mangled body of a child in the most obvious place ever: the basement of some lecherous old man’s house. And, think about the real courage it would take for an OB/GYN to say, “Hey don’t be sad. You need to turn that frown upside Downs,” to the pregnant woman with the mentally retarded, unborn baby. Possibly a rent boy calling his clients could say, “I don’t mean to be a drip, but your leaky dick is probably from the raging gonorrhea I gave you.” 

Extreme punning like this is only for the very brave few that are willing to lose friends, respect, and potentially jobs because of their commitment to comedy despite whatever tragic event is taking place around them. So if you must pun, reacquaint yourself with the dark twisted monster inside you and make crude jokes that will most likely get you into fistfights.


2 Responses to “Very Punny”

  1. Anonymous said

    Oh Jenny…once again. Another great one… and the dark humor is the best–especially the rent boy. HI larious.

  2. hotshot bald cop said

    Never considered it that way.

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