Organized Crime

January 13, 2012


Hanoi Hilton staff

The United States is used to rock’n at everything. Like how we kick ass at incarcerating people. A whopping 25% of  the entire world’s prison population is right here in the good ole USofA! Whoot Whoot! Not impressed? Well remember that prisoners serve an important role in society. Who else would write all those fan letters to Kathy Griffin or marry fat chicks?

But why should the Government bear the financial burdens of carrying out its own punishments? For-profit prisons are so much more cost effective because they are unencumbered by all that bureaucratic nonsense meant to protect inmates from cruel and unusual punishment like data entry jobs. For-profit prisons are good for America too because their profits go right back into the economy in the form of political bribes thus ensuring longer and tougher sentences and thereby increasing prison profitability. Nicely done, way to incentivize taking away someone’s liberty.

But surely there is a way for the government to save even more money. Why not outsource our prisons to other countries like China? They’d bring about real cost savings and efficiencies. They’d replace gang rape with forced organ donation and use redacted letters as bedding. It just makes good financial sense and that’s way more important than any moral obligation the Government has to its citizenry.

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