A paid advertisement from Madcorp, the makers of Bath Salts

June 15, 2012

It’s sad because this is the before picture

Are you feeling bored, average, healthy? Is your unremarkable life slipping away day by day into a beige blur of loving relationships, employment and sanity? Do you never again want to have a checking account or own anything worth more than a few cigarettes? If so, Bath Salts can help.

Bath Salts is the only, revelatory, non-therapeutic amphetamine combination available that can make you feel more outgoing, confident, invincible and give you the inhuman super strength you’ll need to fight space dragons. Bath Salts go to work in as little as 30 seconds and can last up to 48 hours or until death by cop. Talk to your illegal drug provider today about your current drug use to see if Bath Salts is right for you.

Certain side-effects have been observed in people using Bath Salts including moderate to severe zombism, Joaquin Phoenix syndrome, priapism, immediate and irrevocable homelessness, face eating, dry mouth and constipation. Bath Salts should only be used under the close supervision of a giant man-eating robot.

You don’t have to live a normal life anymore. Bath Salts can help.


3 Responses to “A paid advertisement from Madcorp, the makers of Bath Salts”

  1. Meredawg said

    I want to see a giant man-eating robot! Love it!

  2. Kevin O said

    Are you sure it isn’t the face-eating itself that causes the dry mouth and constipation? Human skin has got to wreak havoc on the intestines…just saying.

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